This was actually written yesterday, Thursday the 10th, but published today, Friday the 11th.
I felt pretty good today; I'm not trying to fight the anti-nausea drugs anymore. I took a Phenergan to sleep last night, and a Zofran this morning along with my Emmend and Dexamethazone. I took another Zofran at about 4 pm, and I still need to take another Dex tonight along with an Acyclovere.
It's difficult to keep track of these drugs; I've never been much of a med user, and usually then it was one, just one medication...easier to keep track of. Now it's several. Really hard to keep track.
The dominant symptom I'm experiencing tonight is just exhaustion. I don't think I'm going to be up a whole lot longer. I was fine at work today, and hopefully will be so again tomorrow, but I'm having a hard time sitting here writing this.
I went to the American Cancer Society's Wig Bank today and picked out a pixie-cut straight haired wig-a fun do that I never had but would have killed for in my youth. They kindly give a patient a wig, and they gave me a stand for it, and a lavender turban. I have already send the part of my own hair that was cut off to a manufacturer who will make me an "Under Hair"-a piece that must be worn with a hat or scarf, but is made of my own hair.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Infusion #2
Lots of meditation preceeded the day's event, and I was pretty calm. But not totally; I came pretty close to fainting this morning after having my "port accessed" and having blood drawn. Not sure what caused me to need to be laid back in my chair with a cold wash cloth on my head before I could stand up securely and go along my way. The nurse thought it was an anxiety based Vagal nerve response; the doctor said that a lot of folks with the port find that a blood draw from that area of the body, the vena cava, just leaves them feeling that way for a bit; the blood comes out fast. I will try to have them lay me back in advance next time.
I was happy that I recovered quickly enough to go on ahead and go to work. It helped to distract me, and let me be ready to focus on myself later. Dave met me at my clinic at 12:30 and we walked across the street to the cancer center. I had already delivered my 24 hour urine collection from the previous day (part of a research project in which I'm participating), and I had a 15 minute blood pressure test, which involves blood pressure checks of the tips of my index finger and a 5 minute squeeze to the arm (part of the same research project) before the chemo began.
The Adriamycin gives me the willies; it is not delivered via drip but must be pushed. It needs to go in very small amounts at a time, diluted by saline, and monitored by the nurse doing the administration. It has the potential to scar vascular tissue, which is why it is important for to be dilute, and why a little knowlege is a dangerous thing; it is that knowledge that makes me so nervous when it goes in. I gave in to Atavan today. It helped. Now, though, I'm struggling to stay awake. I think I'll have to add details tomorrow.
I was happy that I recovered quickly enough to go on ahead and go to work. It helped to distract me, and let me be ready to focus on myself later. Dave met me at my clinic at 12:30 and we walked across the street to the cancer center. I had already delivered my 24 hour urine collection from the previous day (part of a research project in which I'm participating), and I had a 15 minute blood pressure test, which involves blood pressure checks of the tips of my index finger and a 5 minute squeeze to the arm (part of the same research project) before the chemo began.
The Adriamycin gives me the willies; it is not delivered via drip but must be pushed. It needs to go in very small amounts at a time, diluted by saline, and monitored by the nurse doing the administration. It has the potential to scar vascular tissue, which is why it is important for to be dilute, and why a little knowlege is a dangerous thing; it is that knowledge that makes me so nervous when it goes in. I gave in to Atavan today. It helped. Now, though, I'm struggling to stay awake. I think I'll have to add details tomorrow.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Great weekend
I am behind in my blogging because I have just been so darned busy! It's a good thing. I have been feeling just fine, and was able to enjoy a lot of social time and errand running this weekend, lots of cooking too, and just didn't get around to this. Today too kind of got away from me. So I will be brief tonight as it's about time to go to bed. Getting close to my next infusion time, and I have to do a 24 hour urine collection tomorrow. That should be great fun at work.
No meds this weekend, just the twice daily Acyclovir, but none for nausea or pain. My port incision still is a bit irritated, and the port itself is a bit uncomfortable, but not to the point of needing pain killers. A homeopathic remedy seems to help, so that's what I used. I respond well to homeopathy. I did have a headache this morning, felt like it was sinuses causing it, and I took some herbal anti-inflammatories which took care of it. Had a really long work day and still felt fine; I'm doing better lately at keeping up with the paperwork.
The wheatgrass is ready. I'll juice some in the morning after doing the "healing walk". Started the 2nd tray today.
No meds this weekend, just the twice daily Acyclovir, but none for nausea or pain. My port incision still is a bit irritated, and the port itself is a bit uncomfortable, but not to the point of needing pain killers. A homeopathic remedy seems to help, so that's what I used. I respond well to homeopathy. I did have a headache this morning, felt like it was sinuses causing it, and I took some herbal anti-inflammatories which took care of it. Had a really long work day and still felt fine; I'm doing better lately at keeping up with the paperwork.
The wheatgrass is ready. I'll juice some in the morning after doing the "healing walk". Started the 2nd tray today.
Friday, June 4, 2010
Friday
Oh yeah, no back pain today! Well, maybe a little, but not to speak of really. And blissful regularity. I'm enjoying every moment of this in-between time; next infusion, next Wednesday. Tomorrow, I play.
I have a lovely, busy Saturday planned. Farmer's market, errands galore, lunch with Trish; it will be grand. Then dinner with Dave and Grace and Billy-maybe I'll even have time to do some work in the garden. A productive weekend; next weekend, no plans. Well, none except for the fact that I'm supposed to sing at the Dayani Center's "First Annual Tree Planting Ceremony", and I am very hopeful that I will be able to pull it off. After that, no other plans.
The wheatgrass is ready and I uncovered it today; it is gaining in greenness and shooting up-it's exciting.
I had a funny moment the other morning-I got on my digital scale and must have hit some kind of calibration button or something. It read a good 10 lbs less than when I'd last stepped on it about a week earlier. I freaked-the first time in memory when I had responded negatively to a significant weight loss. I have lost quite a bit of weight since diagnosis, but it has been coming off slowly and steadily due to dietary changes. If I had suddenly lost another 10-that would be bad. But I stepped back on the scale, and it came up about 7.5 lbs. Two and a half pounds, one week, that's okay. Sigh of relief.
The only treatment related discomfort that I am having at the moment is this infusion port. It sits on my chest just to the edge of my bra strap, and it is the shoulder where I tend to hang my purse. I'm trying to stop that; the area of the incision from the installation of the port and the skin over the port itself are irritated and still not quite healed. It is quite uncomfortable. I'm starting to think I may need to let the doctor know, but I am hopeful that it will make progress this weekend.
I have a lovely, busy Saturday planned. Farmer's market, errands galore, lunch with Trish; it will be grand. Then dinner with Dave and Grace and Billy-maybe I'll even have time to do some work in the garden. A productive weekend; next weekend, no plans. Well, none except for the fact that I'm supposed to sing at the Dayani Center's "First Annual Tree Planting Ceremony", and I am very hopeful that I will be able to pull it off. After that, no other plans.
The wheatgrass is ready and I uncovered it today; it is gaining in greenness and shooting up-it's exciting.
I had a funny moment the other morning-I got on my digital scale and must have hit some kind of calibration button or something. It read a good 10 lbs less than when I'd last stepped on it about a week earlier. I freaked-the first time in memory when I had responded negatively to a significant weight loss. I have lost quite a bit of weight since diagnosis, but it has been coming off slowly and steadily due to dietary changes. If I had suddenly lost another 10-that would be bad. But I stepped back on the scale, and it came up about 7.5 lbs. Two and a half pounds, one week, that's okay. Sigh of relief.
The only treatment related discomfort that I am having at the moment is this infusion port. It sits on my chest just to the edge of my bra strap, and it is the shoulder where I tend to hang my purse. I'm trying to stop that; the area of the incision from the installation of the port and the skin over the port itself are irritated and still not quite healed. It is quite uncomfortable. I'm starting to think I may need to let the doctor know, but I am hopeful that it will make progress this weekend.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
This may be TMI
It's gratifying and terrifying all at the same time to know that friends and family are reading this; I swore to myself that it was going to just be whatever is going on, so that I can also use it as a reference for my symptoms when I report to the doctor, and today I must discuss constipation. So if you just don't want to know, skip this entry. I may regret this in the future....
This morning at work, I started having some very formidable low back pain-consistent, shooting, sharp, sometimes breathtaking. I slapped on a spare TENS unit and tried to ignore and work through it, but eventually noticed that it increased when seated and improved when standing. I did a lot of standing manual therapy today-not my usual.
Finally, I started to assume that this was pain from Neulasta, a medication given the day after Chemo infusion to boost white blood cell count and thereby, immunity. Makes sense, and I'm glad to get the shot, but they say a side effect can be profound bone pain. My sister Janet reports that she had it during her treatment and that it was agonizing. So for a while, I just figured, well, I guess this is that. But bone pain wouldn't be improved with standing, stretching, walking....and be intensified when trying to eliminate. I finally said to myself "this is a pinched nerve". And I remembered that I have been pretty constipated over the last few days; surprising considering the amount of fruits and veggies I'm consuming along with whole grains, flax seed and the like, but these drugs have the rep for causing this. I started using a senna laxative the other day but it hadn't fully kicked in.
After work, I went to see the chiropractor/acupuncturist and he fixed me up. I felt much better leaving his office, but still had some hints of the pain. Then things started moving. And they have continued moving. The pain, now at 9:30 this evening, is practically gone. Just goes to show how the body really wants every little thing to be working in harmony to feel at peace. I am much more peaceful now.
Another helpful moment of the day was learning the Tai Chi "healing walk" Qi Gong practice from our instructor Rusty after work today; I have practiced it a bit this afternoon and will begin doing it in the morning, and will do it as often as I'm able as it feels just great. I wanted some Tai Chi back in my life, and this exercise will give me a start back in that direction. Trish, who is a friend, survivor and inspiration to me told me about this, and I'm thrilled to begin. Trying to fully learn the lessons of this diagnosis; fully intending to never have this diagnosis again.
I refer to this "diagnosis" because my theory is that I am cancer free right now; the tumor was excised with wide clean margins, and only 2 of the 6 or 7 lymph nodes removed showed small amounts of cancerous cells. I believe my lymphatics did their job and that the point of the treatment now is to scout out any stray cancer cells that may be lurking somewhere in the system and take them down. I see myself as a survivor already. And having a pretty nice life in between treatments, too! But I'll use all means to maintain that healthy, survivor status, and that includes meditation, massage, acupuncture, laughter, love, nutrition and a healing walk. And basking in the good vibrations I feel coming my way everyday.
This morning at work, I started having some very formidable low back pain-consistent, shooting, sharp, sometimes breathtaking. I slapped on a spare TENS unit and tried to ignore and work through it, but eventually noticed that it increased when seated and improved when standing. I did a lot of standing manual therapy today-not my usual.
Finally, I started to assume that this was pain from Neulasta, a medication given the day after Chemo infusion to boost white blood cell count and thereby, immunity. Makes sense, and I'm glad to get the shot, but they say a side effect can be profound bone pain. My sister Janet reports that she had it during her treatment and that it was agonizing. So for a while, I just figured, well, I guess this is that. But bone pain wouldn't be improved with standing, stretching, walking....and be intensified when trying to eliminate. I finally said to myself "this is a pinched nerve". And I remembered that I have been pretty constipated over the last few days; surprising considering the amount of fruits and veggies I'm consuming along with whole grains, flax seed and the like, but these drugs have the rep for causing this. I started using a senna laxative the other day but it hadn't fully kicked in.
After work, I went to see the chiropractor/acupuncturist and he fixed me up. I felt much better leaving his office, but still had some hints of the pain. Then things started moving. And they have continued moving. The pain, now at 9:30 this evening, is practically gone. Just goes to show how the body really wants every little thing to be working in harmony to feel at peace. I am much more peaceful now.
Another helpful moment of the day was learning the Tai Chi "healing walk" Qi Gong practice from our instructor Rusty after work today; I have practiced it a bit this afternoon and will begin doing it in the morning, and will do it as often as I'm able as it feels just great. I wanted some Tai Chi back in my life, and this exercise will give me a start back in that direction. Trish, who is a friend, survivor and inspiration to me told me about this, and I'm thrilled to begin. Trying to fully learn the lessons of this diagnosis; fully intending to never have this diagnosis again.
I refer to this "diagnosis" because my theory is that I am cancer free right now; the tumor was excised with wide clean margins, and only 2 of the 6 or 7 lymph nodes removed showed small amounts of cancerous cells. I believe my lymphatics did their job and that the point of the treatment now is to scout out any stray cancer cells that may be lurking somewhere in the system and take them down. I see myself as a survivor already. And having a pretty nice life in between treatments, too! But I'll use all means to maintain that healthy, survivor status, and that includes meditation, massage, acupuncture, laughter, love, nutrition and a healing walk. And basking in the good vibrations I feel coming my way everyday.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Wednesday
It was another good day. I woke feeling fine, wishing I could stay asleep just a bit longer, but my bladder and Dave's gentle snores dictated that it was time to rise a bit before the alarm went off. Work went well; my coworkers are so supportive, and complementary about the haircut, too. I used to get frustrated and say "I'm just going to chop it off" and Gordon would tell me that I'd have to find someone else to do it; Dave would say "No you're not; you'd regret it", and so I never did. But I had a weird kind of premonition the last time that I considered it, looking in the mirror, fancying that it would be fun to explore a shorter do, then thinking that I had better enjoy the long tresses while I had them. In several ways, I had premonitions that this experience was coming. So far, not so bad. I'd miss it, though, given the choice.
I came out of the clinic today into a rain shower; grabbed my umbrella, but was soaked half way to the car. The air was warm so being wet was no problem, except for the little comfy slip on shoes I was wearing, which became so slippery I was forced to choose between the potential of falling or walking barefoot across the medical center campus. Chemo makes one leery of potential sources of infection, so although I'm usually happy to be barefoot, this was a big decision for me considering the current situation; I went barefoot to the car, then cleaned my feet with paper towels and hand sanitiser. Then washed them when I got home. Next time I go back for the umbrella upon leaving work, I also take the running shoes that I keep under my desk.
The first batch of wheat grass is sprouting and should be ready for uncovering and greening in a couple of days. That's exciting. In the meantime, I sure am glad to have my Vitamix, helping me enjoy daily green smoothies. Funny the food cravings I've been having; burgers (have to be grass fed), cabbage soup, grapefruit. Wheatgrass juice, when I get a shot at Whole Foods, feels like rocket fuel. Can't wait to juice my own.
I came out of the clinic today into a rain shower; grabbed my umbrella, but was soaked half way to the car. The air was warm so being wet was no problem, except for the little comfy slip on shoes I was wearing, which became so slippery I was forced to choose between the potential of falling or walking barefoot across the medical center campus. Chemo makes one leery of potential sources of infection, so although I'm usually happy to be barefoot, this was a big decision for me considering the current situation; I went barefoot to the car, then cleaned my feet with paper towels and hand sanitiser. Then washed them when I got home. Next time I go back for the umbrella upon leaving work, I also take the running shoes that I keep under my desk.
The first batch of wheat grass is sprouting and should be ready for uncovering and greening in a couple of days. That's exciting. In the meantime, I sure am glad to have my Vitamix, helping me enjoy daily green smoothies. Funny the food cravings I've been having; burgers (have to be grass fed), cabbage soup, grapefruit. Wheatgrass juice, when I get a shot at Whole Foods, feels like rocket fuel. Can't wait to juice my own.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Tuesday June 1; back to the office
I walked in today expecting a full schedule of 8 patients and was concerned about how I was going to get through that, not yet trusting my level of energy. In reality, every day of life is that way-one never knows when we might just hit a wall. But I had a couple of cancellations, and took a long walk and a leisurely lunch, and managed to do pretty well with work except for a mid-afternoon attack of heartburn. Time to bring a bucket of Tums to the office! Thank goodness Jane already had some there.
Carey seems to be making it her personal mission to ensure that I get my exercise, and I'm grateful for the cheer-leading on that. It's so easy to get distracted by minor details while in the office and to miss available moments to get out and get some sunshine or work up a sweat, or just experience a change of environment. I get lost in the computer or in trying to reorganize the mess on my desk and often miss stress-reduction opportunities. But Carey helped my avoid that again today and we took a walk around the old Peabody campus-a lovely walk, lots of folks take advantage of it-and today I was able to maintain a normal pace, although my empty stomach limited the amount of time I was able to spend; I'm finding that when I'm hungry, it's critical to eat right away to stave off nausea and maximize energy. I've got a pantry of snacks at my desk, but I think the dry crackers I tried this afternoon might have led to the heartburn. Gotta be careful about what I pick.
I arrived home to my dog Xena panting at the door expecting her walk, and once I'd gotten some food in me, I obliged. It feels good to be getting this much exercise, still, I'm missing my yoga practice. My port, which I am very grateful to have, still pulls at me a bit and is irritated by my bra strap running right alongside it, and it's not 2 weeks since the surgery to put it in, so I'm still not cleared to put weight into my arms anyway. And I'm not sure how much of my head going up and down I'm going to be good with, so I will be careful when starting back to morning sun salutations. I want to start doing some Tai Chi again, though; I think that will be very healing.
I'm trying to decide if I feel energetic enough to do a few massages. I miss it, miss my clients, and the stretching out that my own body gets from doing the work. But I don't want to over-extend my energy. Guess I'll have to continue to play it by ear.
Carey seems to be making it her personal mission to ensure that I get my exercise, and I'm grateful for the cheer-leading on that. It's so easy to get distracted by minor details while in the office and to miss available moments to get out and get some sunshine or work up a sweat, or just experience a change of environment. I get lost in the computer or in trying to reorganize the mess on my desk and often miss stress-reduction opportunities. But Carey helped my avoid that again today and we took a walk around the old Peabody campus-a lovely walk, lots of folks take advantage of it-and today I was able to maintain a normal pace, although my empty stomach limited the amount of time I was able to spend; I'm finding that when I'm hungry, it's critical to eat right away to stave off nausea and maximize energy. I've got a pantry of snacks at my desk, but I think the dry crackers I tried this afternoon might have led to the heartburn. Gotta be careful about what I pick.
I arrived home to my dog Xena panting at the door expecting her walk, and once I'd gotten some food in me, I obliged. It feels good to be getting this much exercise, still, I'm missing my yoga practice. My port, which I am very grateful to have, still pulls at me a bit and is irritated by my bra strap running right alongside it, and it's not 2 weeks since the surgery to put it in, so I'm still not cleared to put weight into my arms anyway. And I'm not sure how much of my head going up and down I'm going to be good with, so I will be careful when starting back to morning sun salutations. I want to start doing some Tai Chi again, though; I think that will be very healing.
I'm trying to decide if I feel energetic enough to do a few massages. I miss it, miss my clients, and the stretching out that my own body gets from doing the work. But I don't want to over-extend my energy. Guess I'll have to continue to play it by ear.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)