Written 2/15/12
It didn't look like a hard day just by glancing at the schedule. We even had a break for MBSR training and had a chance to relax, do some Qi Gong, and I got to eat lunch at the Indian Buffett, which was a treat. But the afternoon just basically fell apart, with a no-show, a conference call that at least went as planned, and then lastly a patient who had not been in for a month who was agitated and responded very poorly to my attempts to elicit some plans for improvement in her condition. I tried to employ some of the techniques that we've worked on in Health Coaching and it really backfired on me, with the patient getting off the table before treatment began and walking out stating that she's not sure if she will come back.
I could go on and on about the details of the visit and examine every question I posed to the patient and every response on either side, and I've certainly done that in my mind all night and with no satisfactory revelations, so there is no point in focusing on that here. But I'm going to have to figure out how to respond to this-who is to contact the patient, what are we to offer her, how do I handle the documentation-and I must sythesize the lessons there for me to learn from this, unclear as they are at the moment.
The most difficult factor for me in the situation is that I REALLY LIKE this patient and had hoped that we would become friends. I feel quite fond of her and sympathetic to what it must be like to go through the cancer expereience as she has while raising 3 kids. I guess I'll figure out the lessons soon, but I'm mourning the experience today.
I have also found a small bump on the medial aspect of my right reconstructed breast and have to go in to have it looked at today. Although I'm mostly very calm about that and am quite sure that it is benign, whatever it is, I'm going to feel a lot better about that this evening, and can't help anticipating a long day at the breast center. And the beat goes on....
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