Nausea and frustration

Boy am I ever tired of this one-thing-after-the-other mild illness. When I was feeling slow and punky this morning, I assumed that it was due to having a bit too much fun last night with friends who came for dinner, giving me the chance I've missed for so long now to cook for friends. We drank 2 bottles of Spanish Cava between the two of us girls, the guys sticking to beer, and I don't think I drank a whole bottle myself, but maybe, and that would certainly hang me over after not drinking that much in a long time. I did notice my belly actually hurting a couple of times yesterday, feeling a bit "knotted up" and tight, not nauseous but not as hungry as I had expected to be for the Paella I made. This morning, after my workout which I had to really work at in an unusual way, I found myself feeling woozy and during my first patient, I was genuinely afraid that I was going to have to excuse myself to vomit. Had that hyper-salivation, starting-to-heave feeling that usually preceeds hurling in my experience. Somehow, I managed to fight it down. I focused on drinking hot strong Irish Breakfast tea in between patients and skipped lunch save a white roll that the guy at Dunkin' Donuts gave me for free when I looked a bit green at the prospect of a "cheezy bagel twist" upon the news that they were out of plain bagels. Tonight, a piece of cold chicken breast and some cold plain pasta made dinner. I was hungry while still nauseous. Go figure. My belly is making some pretty odd noises. We'll see how the night goes.

I wonder if it has anything to do with the news that a friend from my days as a singing waitress, a woman who was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer about a year or two before me, passed away yesterday. C didn't do chemo at first, when she was originally diagnosed, and tried some experimental treatments. I called her the night before I was to start chemo and her stories of her experiences freaked me out. I was happy that she reached out to me but unable to bravely stand up and woman up and continue talking with her. Can't even remember now what exactly she said that was so upsetting to me. And when she had her recurrance I couldn't bear to follow her journey as it was a bit too close. I think she was stage 3 at original diagnosis, I was stage 2, I did chemo asap, she didn't, so there are differences. I'm holding on to that and sending good thoughts and heartfelt wishes out into the world for support to her family and loved ones, and for my own continued survival.