Saturday

Yesterday I tried to get off the narcotics; I hate the way Oxycodone makes me feel-any codine medication really-and I felt like a narcaleptic on Thursday, alternately wired and suddenly nodding out in the middle of a sentence or an activity. So yesterday I took only Ibuprofen, 600 mg every 4 hours or so, but by late evening I was having bouts of intense, throbbing pain and was afraid I would not sleep without help in the pain releif department. So I took 1 of the generic Percocet 5-375 pills and slept pretty well. Today I feel intellectually ready to reintegrate into the world, but could not bear the thought of getting dressed and definately did not want to drive after taking that pill last night. I'm taking 400 mg of Ibuprofen every 2 hours today, with reasonably good results, but some mild nausea between  bouts of ravenous hunger.

A friend who recently had a hysterectomy gave me much advice in advance of my surgery, including some pre-surgical meditations that were very helpful in getting my usually-high anxiety levels under control, so I was very prepared for that part of this experience. I called to thank her for that and during our conversation, she warned me that many people she has spoken to have suggested that depression is a frequent follower of general anesthesia. I'm thinking that depression would be an unsurprising experience after any major surgery for numerous reasons-sense of aging, sense of frailty, life-changing event, the weakness of the healing time period-all of these experiences could be depressing. I am fighting regret-an emotion I rarely indulge in-and moments of sorrow, but mainly feeling frustrated that I am not yet feeling well enough to begin to approximate a normal day, and wondering how I will have the stamina to return to my job duties in just over a week. 1 day at a time, I tell myself, 1 day at a time.

An interesting symptom note: so far, the burning mouth syndrome that I have been dealing with for a year and a half is quiet post surgery. I can tell I'm clenching my teeth in my sleep, although less so than before the surgery, but my mouth pain has not been stronger than a minor irritation since Tuesday. I hope that particular situation will continue.  If I remember correctly, the meditation I did presurgery started to address the mouth pain and to send it on a downward trend. So is it completely anxiety-related?