I woke to find a Valentine waiting for me; it said on the cover "In the whole world, each person is assigned one other person to be their special soulmate, their valentine"-open the card and the punch line-"ha - ha! you got stuck with me!" made me laugh so hard I was afraid I was going to do some damage to myself and bust a stitch. I had wanted to make him a card, had started to do so several times over the last few days, but that was one of the casualties of the pain meds, one of the numerous things I started to do, becoming distracted midway and never completing the task. Dave tells me that I am his Valentine; he doesn't need a card.
It seems that I've developed an infection. Probably not a very bad one; last night I discovered a little seepage from the incision at my navel and noticed that area was somewhat tender, red and hot. I called that clinic and spoke to the on-call doc, and he prescribed a round of antibiotics which I started today. Friends had come and brought dinner, staying to eat with us, and I'd had to take a pain pill, making me kinda spacey. Guess the infection was the source of the spiking pain then and the previous day as well. Our friends noticed my exhaustion and left early, and shortly after that I noticed the drainage.
So back to the internet searching for meditations to calm my anxiety about the healing set back. I did find some on I Tunes and on the internet, including a guided Reiki practice that I find relaxing and seems very helpful. So I'm trying to stay calm, take my antibiotics, and be well. Somehow, I never even considered this potentiality-I stressed over the possibility of a malignancy, I continue to fret about resultant hormonal changes (no hot flashes so far), scar tissue, pain...but I just never considered that an infection might interfere with this best-case-scenario that I believed I was experiencing. And I may be still...I'm still hoping this will not cost me time.
My boss came by to visit me yesterday afternoon, and today one of my coworkers came and both brought groceries, flowers, books...I love my job and the staff of clinic where I work, and I want to be able to get back there at the time scheduled and planed for. So I'm meditating and taking my meds and doing some gentle exercises in the bed, although they do amp up the pain. I'm receiving no pressure at all from my employers, but I myself feel out of sorts being away from work, both the clinic and my private massage practice, and I feel a strong responsibility to my clients and patients. And I love my self image as a strong and healthy person; that sense was a major influence in my decision to do this preventative surgery in the first place, as I've always thought preventative surgery runs the risk of turning a healthy person into a sick one (for at least a while) in the effort to avoid future major illness, which may never come. It would be too ironic to find myself truly ill now; I won't have it.
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