The porch

My diagnosis came the day after my 25th wedding anniversary. Already,due to my surgery earlier in the year, we had postponed until 2011 the big pleasure trip to Italy we had planned in celebration of our silver jubilee. That trip had been postponed originally back in '05, planned to celebrate the 20th, when Dave had been first on the road all summer with a year of major festival tours, and then diagnosed with his lung cancer in November. One of these days we'll get to Europe. In the meantime, I got a screen porch.

My biochemistry makes me a mosquito treat; if you wish to avoid being bitten, just bring me along with you on an outdoor outing and you'll be safe; they will flock to me. My sister says it's the same with her; must be one of those wonderful genetic traits we've inherited, perhaps it goes along with the family tendency toward cancer? So the money I'm not spending on travel this summer, I decided to spend on a home upgrade I've craved for the entire 12 years we've lived in this house, and we had the covered back patio screened in.

It's not quite finished- there is a little area to the side that is being graveled over, an area where grass refuses to grow anyway, and I'm tired of the mud. We'll be able to have a grill there, and a flower-box border. I am sitting on the porch now, still in need of a rug and furniture, looking out on my green yard and listening to the tree frogs and cicadas, the sirens and other city sounds muffled compared to the volume on the open front porch. Nashville has become a big city, and it's loud at night here in the inner suburbs. If I can't have Florence, I've got at least this retreat. I bless my sweet husband for going along with my scheme, supporting me in this as he has in every way during this wild year.

Yesterday I heard about a woman who is going through cancer treatment, sick as the proverbial dog, with a husband who is having anger management issues, putting his fist through a wall next to her head during an argument, with his mother staying to "help" and limiting the patient's access to the car, both of them telling the woman what a selfish person she is. It's second hand, of course, every story has more than one side, but I couldn't help thinking how lucky I am. This woman had to resort to a professional for comfort, she did not have a friend or living family member to call. I am so blessed with my support system. Family, friends, professionals-all on my side, helping to relieve my stresses rather than add to them, making me feel the love, the "good vibrations". It's critical to a patient's survival potential, I'm positive, to have those support systems intact, the stressors under control.

I know, as Grace pointed out today, that a large part of the reason that I've had such a positive experience of chemotherapy is that I was in excellent health in all ways aside from the tumor before I began treatment. Not the most tip top physically fit, slightly flabby, but no major health issues, and very well nourished. But I'm sure there is more involved with my success than just that, and that along with my efforts to incorporate esoteric arts like yoga and tai chi, meditation, guided imagery, massage, laughter, rest, light exercise and continued nutritional focus, my support team has helped me in an immeasurable way to have this not so very bad time. Every good day is a good day; today is one of those.

I've been asked a couple of questions lately that I don't know how to answer: how do they know that the chemo is working? Is it based on blood markers? Is it just the lack of finding any other tumors through the regular screenings that I will continue to have? Is a PET scan recommended at some point? Guess I'll have to ask that one. The other question was when does my hair start to grow back-at the end of the AC treatments, or not until all the treatments, the 12 weekly Taxol sessions, are over. I suspect the later, but I don't think I've asked that one either. It doesn't matter really. It's interesting to be bald. I look forward to having hair again, but for now, bald is easy.
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