Time heals everything

Right after the surgery, I thought I had probably made the biggest mistake of my life, and that I was going to pay for it forever. I woke from anesthesia in extreme pain, like nothing I had ever experienced or imagined. My first ever night in the hospital as a patient, and my first ever experience of morphine, and although I felt amazingly well-cared for by my lovely nurses, I still took a scary blood pressure dip that first night and had quite a crew of staff gathered around my bed expressing concern. I was not worried about that - my BP is typically low, and I figured it would bounce back shortly - but the pain was frightening. Then it dropped rapidly and I felt pretty good while I had Mom here taking care of me, but after the first expansion, I thought I was going to truly regret the choice I made for completing my treatment.

Not now; I've still got pain, but it's reducing steadily. My range of motion and strength are increasing rapidly. Energy is bouncing back, and although I'd love to continue to focus on doing some around-the-house things rather than returning to work on Monday, I certainly feel up to it, and I think the purposefulness of going to my job will help elevate my still-fluctuating mood. Thursdays will be expansion days; that should be challenging, and I will give in to meds without resistance on those days.

I'm down to hardly any medication. What worked well yesterday, which I think I will try again tonight, was to take Salicin B in the morning, evening and before bed, along with a Valium before bed. I think I'm tolerating that better than the Oxycodone. And I think in it's muscle relaxant capacity it is targeting my sleeping trouble better than the narcotics. It's starting to feel good to sleep on my side again, but I still can't turn in bed well. Going from one side to another, or from back to side, is a huge effort and requires a lot of bed-shaking turning, which of course is hard on Dave. I would have worried about that if he had been well during my convalescence, but with him more compromised than I, facing a longer healing, it's difficult for me to relax and allow myself to rumble as much as necessary.

I was much less blue today, though still somewhat weepy. It's easy to be emotionally raw this time of year with sentimentality dripping from all media and every image one is exposed to. I focused on getting my haircut which felt good, and my eyebrows shaped, lip waxed, feet pedicured. I shopped and then came home and just have been hanging in front of the fire. Now it's time to hit the sack. See you tomorrow.