The dog likes a cave. She can feel the tension in the air, whether it's coming from storms in the distance or angst in the house, and she heads for her place in the corner behind the wing back chair. She curled up there now. Steroids are supposed to make one agitated, aren't they? I'm sure I've never had them in any quantity before all of this chemo began. I'm not so very tired physically despite inadequate sleep the last couple of nights, but I'm emotionally spent, cranky and blue. I guess I deserve to have a punky evening; I've stayed pretty positive and energetic throughout this experience; I'm due.
Is it at least half-over yet? If my calculations are correct, I'll have my last chemo infusion on October 13th, and will start radiation therapy on October 25th, concluding on December 10th. Goodbye 2010. I started treatment in April with surgery; from a time-frame standpoint, I am just halfway. Okay, I guess I was about due for a pity party.
Alright, I'm done. That's enough self absorption. Dave's making dinner and I'm just kicking back watching TV. Tonight I hope to get a bit caught up on sleep. The house is relatively clean, I've got the night to kick back. I'm sure there's a movie around here worth watching. Whatever.
I think I partly got a bit depressed today over my lost weight beginning to find its way home. I was happy about that part of the stressful onset of this experience and for a while it looked like I was going to keep that more svelte figure, but I was warned that chemo can really put the weight on, and so it seems. Funny, for many patients, it can work exactly in the opposite manner. And I do think that this is not the time to obsess over the waistline, but I was more comfortable at the smaller size. Calorie reduction is supposed one method of promoting longevity, too, and leanness is beneficial there too. Steroids, on the other hand, are supposed to help bulk up and increase appetite. It's a difficult balancing act, and I'm trying to be gentle with myself right now and to merely focus on eating well and exercising as I'm able. Can't have everything. At least I still have the clothes for both sizes!
The weather too is improved today and for the last few days. The air is dry enough to make it pleasant to sit outside. I plan to do some of that this weekend.
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