NIght before

Tomorrow I reach the quarter mark of Taxol. Yippee! I'm tired of being tired. I'm not completely exhausted most of the time, but today I reached the end of my 9 hour workday and opted out of the neighborhood watch meeting I had planned to attend because I was just too pooped. But honestly, there were days before any tumor was discovered that I would feel equally tired just from the intensity of my job. Today there were a couple of patients who were really having a hard time and suffering with high pain, and I still am new enough to the field to have to wrack my brain to be sure that I make proper choices of approach with patients who are that highly challenged. My thirty years of massage therapy have given me some experiene to fall back on, but major medical issues have a lot of associated details with which I am still gaining familiarity. To be fair to myself, so are some of my collegues who have been at physical therapy for decades. It's a big field.

But my port was giving me some pain today too. I've been doing some yoga, bouncing on my rebounder and stretching my neck and shoulders, staying very busy...maybe it's just that. But I had some occasional stabbing pains in that area today, also some aching in the right arm (the port is on the right side of my chest), and I need to remember to pass that along to my team. 

I also have to remember to tell Glenda tomorrow that I had some itching after my last treatment, and to show her a funny spot at the end of my scar on my breast - a tiny scabbed-over area that seems inappropriate so late after healing. How did it scab again? I expect it's nothing to worry about, but as I hyper examine every little thing, I guess I will need to point it out or sweat it out. What's the point of having upteen doctors if you don't show them all of your boo boos?

On Thursday, I'm going to meet with a radiation oncologist at another medical facility in Nashville. I want his input on what the next step should be, what radiation would entail if I do indeed do it, when it should start, etc. I need to make a list of things to discuss with him, including his recommendations for frequency of MRIs, as my current breast doctor is not planning an MRI until next year, and doesn't even plan to talk with me about it until October. I'm feeling really uncomfortable about all this, and have emailed him to request a phone call, but no response yet. So I'm glad I'll get some outside opinions. I've found every additional medical opinion I've received has been enlightening and very helpful to allow me to feel good about my choices, to make decisions that feel informed, not rash.